Week 6-Love Maps

This week in class we learned about love maps from the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work" by John Gottman. When I first read that we would be learning about love maps, I was confused because I did not know what that could possibly be. I quickly learned that it is a simple term that is crucial to a great marriage.  A love map is the part of the brain where you store all of the revenant information about your partner's life. When you have a detailed love map you know much about your spouse's dreams, hopes, weaknesses, strengths, likes, dislikes, and many facts about them.
In his book Gottman says, "The more you know and understand about each other, the easier it is to keep connected as life swirls around you." I have only been married for a month (I know that's nothing compared to most people) but I can already see how that is true. My husband and I are both so busy with work, school and so many tasks that pile up everyday. It is hard to keep up with what's going on and so I can see how if we did not have a detailed love map to begin with we would really be lost with what's going on in each other's life.
The good news is though, that we can always strengthen our love maps in our marriage. If you do not like how detailed or large yours is, you can change that today! 
Going on interactive date nights is a great way to strengthen your love map as you get the chance to see what the other person likes. Eating meals together, and spending time just chatting can help you grow. If you feel you do not have much to talk about you can look up getting to. know you questions. You may feel silly doing that since you are already married, but just remind yourself that you can never get to know someone too well. Questions like what is your favorite joke or what would you do with an extra ten thousand dollars each month may seem pointless, but they help you get to know one another and see into each other's brains a bit more. 
Something that has helped my husband and I strengthen our love map is by playing board games. They are simple so we can still chat with each other, and be doing something fun at the same time.  It is also something that causes us interact with each other better then we would watching TV or playing a video game. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Week 13- In Laws

                    In my class this week one of the blog writing prompts to get my brain flowing was this: "When a couple gets married the Lord’s way they build eternal relationships — relationships that will never end. If we and extended family are true to temple covenants, not only will the husband-wife relationship be eternal, so will our ties with extended family and in-laws. Having said this, an important question arises: “How important is it to you to build close relationship with your in-laws?” Building close relationships may require time, effort, patience, and forgiveness. It may be difficult."            The first part shares AMAZING doctrine! We will be with our spouse for all eternity when we build it the Lord’s way. And on top of that, our relationships with our family members will also be eternal. It is crucial that we build close relationships with in-laws.       ...
Read more

Week 8- Pride

  Pride. It is common when we hear that word that we often first do not think of ourselves, but someone else who we feel is guilty of being prideful. That is a common way to know if we are guilty of pride or not. We learn from previous president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Ezra Taft Benson, that there is no such thing as righteous pride. All pride is sin. Pride is feeling enmity towards God and others. Pride causes us to have feelings of selfishness, gossip, look down on others, and criticize others.             The opposite of pride in a marriage is turning to and valuing your spouse. A spouse who does not listen to their spouse and take their input can be found guilty of pride. In Gottman’s book,  The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work , he says “statistically speaking when a man is not willing to share power with his partner there is an 81% percent chance that this marriage will ...
Read more

Week 7- Bids of Affection

In Gottman's book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" he talks about how couples are always making "bids" for each other's attention, affection, humor, and/or support. Examples of this would be asking for help with the dishes, asking for a back rub, or attempting to talk about your day. A spouse can respond to this by either turning towards or away from their spouse. Gotten says, "A tendency to turn towards your partner is the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life." This is saying that we want to turn towards instead of against our spouse because we want to feel connected and that love for our spouse. This week in my class we are getting the opportunity to track our "bids" in our marriage. This was interesting for me as I had previously never thought of the times I asked by husband to sit by me or that he asked me to help him do something that were "bidding" for each other. Th...
Read more