Week 11- Emotional Fidelity

       Many people think of cheating on your spouse as only interacting with others who are not your spouse in a physically sexual way. That is a very serious form of cheating on your spouse, but NOT the only way. There is also emotional infidelity.
            In the talk “Fidelity in Marriage” by Kenneth W. Matheson a professor of Social Work at Brigham Young University, emotional fidelity is outlined. He says, “Fidelity includes refraining from physical contact—but that is not all. Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and respect between husband and wife. Inappropriate interactions with another person can erode fidelity.”
            When we turn to a co-worker or friend or someone of the opposite gender other than our spouse for emotional connection, flirting, fantasies, or comfort, or anything else that we should gain from our spouse we are not being true to our marriage. Looking at pornography is not being true to our marriage or ourselves. This kind of infidelity can happen slowly, and gradually as many do not think they are doing anything wrong at first. It is important that you catch it and stop it immediately if it is happening in your own life.
You may not know how to look for this so Kenneth Matheson gives assessment questions in his text to help you know if your outside relationships with someone are appropriate:
  • “Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?”
  • “Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?”
  • “Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?”
  • “Do you e-mail and text your friend when you’re not together?”
  • “Have you told your spouse about these messages?”
  • “Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?”
  • “Do you compare your spouse to your friend?”
  • “Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?”

If you struggle to be open with your answers, or you find your answers to not be right then seek help immediately and/or make some changes in your life. Change, healing, and hope are available to all who are willing to try.


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